Savin' Me
by Taylor Novak
Summary: After Sam drunk a lot of demon blood, him and Dean have to deal with the consequences...A race against time begins...  hurt!Sam angst!Sam protective!Dean
1. Ch 1:Prison gates won't open up for me

_Chapter 1: Prison gates won't open up for me_

_**_A / N: New story..This idea just came to me..Let's see where this will be going.. Review please! Wanna know what you think! :)_** _

Sam was leaning over the toilet puking his guts out. Dean was kneeling beside him, holding him and watching him. He tried to hide his worry behind his usual masque.

Sam tiredly collapsed into Dean's arms breathing heavily. Dean wrapped his arms around his little brother and just held him.

Damn demon blood.

It all had started a couple of weeks ago. At first it had only been a headache which had built up to puking.

In this short time Sam had lost a lot of weight. Since then they have been staying at Bobby's. They couldn't travel like this. Not with Sammy in this state.

In the beginning Sam had always rejected him. Dean had seen that he wasn't fine, he wasn't feeling well. And he had known why. But he wouldn't talk about it, because he knew how fast his brother could get over the edge. He had kept on rejecting him until that very day when they drove to Bobby's. That day was the first day Sammy started puking his guts out...and admitted himself and Dean that he wasn't fine. Dean just nodded and started packing their bags and as fast as they could they drove off to South Dakota, to seek help from their friend.

And there they were.

Sam was laying asleep in Dean's arms and Dean was caressing his back. Then he carried his little brother into his room and placed him on his bed. He covered him with a blanket and sat down next to him and watched him sleep. Then, he went downstairs to talk to Bobby.

Bobby looked up from his glass.

„Hey, boy", he said and took another glass. He filled it with some Whiskey and scooped it over to Dean. Dean sat down, took the glass and took a sip.

„How is he?"

„Not good", Dean said scratching his head.

„It's the fourth time that he's puking his guts out... He won't eat, he won't drink.. He just sleeps and pukes.. He looks like freakin' corpse.."  
>Dean already had tears filling his eyes.<p>

„I don't know what to do, Bobby. I don't know how to help him."

Bobby looked at him shocked..He never got to see Dean like this. Now he had to be the rock he could hold on to.

„He's gonna be fine,Dean."

Dean looked at him.

„How do you know that?"

„I know because he's got you."

„What do you mean?"

„Others wouldn't make it because they don't have a brother like you. Trust me, Sam's gonna be fine because he's got you."

Dean just nodded, finished his drink and went upstairs again.

He came into his little brother's room and sat down on his bed and watched him. He caressed his hair and whispered, „I love you,Sammy." Then he kissed his forehead and noticed a small smile on Sammy's lips not even thinking of what his brother was going through in his sleep.

_He screamed...for what seemed like an eternity._

_He rattled the door of his prison..he was being held here.._

_He couldn't get out. He started to panic. He prayed for Dean to come and get him out._

„_Please,Dean..", he whispered. „Please help me..Please..You have to come and help me.."_

_Then he heard something.. He heard somebody talking.. and he knew that voice._

_Dean?_

_He heard those four words he loved to hear..._

I love you, Sammy. _Those words immediately soothed him into a peaceful sleep..._

_**A / N: Chapter 2 coming up soon! Gotta continue the other story "Who would you choose"! :) Review please,people! Reviews are my muse!**_


	2. Chapter 2: I reach for you

_Chapter 2: I reach for you_

_**A / N: So sorry I didn't upload it sooner. I was so busy with school but now I have some time and here comes chapter 2. I'm not really good at writing very long chapters, so please forgive me. In exchange to not writing very long chapters, you'll get more. I promise.**_

_**I hope you like it. :)**_

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><p>Sam woke up from a very peaceful dream and looked around the room.<p>

It was already day time and Dean was standing by the window and looking out..

Then he turned round and smiled at Sam.. There was something about that smile that didn't seem right to him..

Suddenly he was starting to feel dizzy and feverish. He got up from his bed,but fell to the floor.

Dean slowly came over and laughed devlishly.

„Wow.. You are so screwed.. But you already knew that...But I still don't get it why you drank that demon blood...hm..." he said and slowly approached him and continued, „I guess it's a monster's nature. You never stop until you're dead. You are all the same.."

Dean stood in front of Sam and looked down to him.

Sam, confused of what he's been saying, _reached_ out a hand to him, nonetheless.

Dean just smiled at that and simply said, „Really? As if I'd help a monster like you. I should have killed you a very long time ago,Sam. Monsters like you don't deserve to live."

Sam closed his eyes fearfully and opened them again. Dean was gone.

He was confused.

Another dream?

Maybe a premonition?

Dean however, the real Dean, came in and Sam immediately yelled, „Don't kill me! Please don't...", with tears in his eyes.

Dean just looked at him in total confusion and utter horror because of the sight of his now bleeding brother.

The blood was dripping from his nose, ears... and his eyes.

He was clearly in pain and Dean rushed to his side...but didn't know what to do.

He tried to calm Sam down, who was twisting his face in pain.

Dean looked over to Bobby, showing him his worry and then looked back to Sam with great fear written in his face.

Sam began to seize...And Dean couldn't do anything about it.

He just looked at him and whispered with an almost cracking voice and tears in his eyes...

„_Sammy?"_

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><p><em><strong>A  N: I know it's short. But I'm suffering from a very bad writer's block lately. **_

_**Please tell me what you think and pleeeeeeeeeease give me some ideas and suggestions. That would be very kind of you. Please rate and review!**_

_**Thanks for reading! :)**_


	3. Ch 3:I'm terrified of these 4 walls1

_Chapter 3: I'm terrified of these four walls**(1)**_

_**A / N: Despite my writer's block, I'll try to write more. I hope it's good.**_

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><p>Sam was laying once again asleep in his bed.<p>

The previous seizure was too much for his body to handle and that's why he passed out.

Dean took care of him, washed the blood off of his face and put him to bed.

He was now sitting on a chair next to Sammy's bed, watching him very carefully.

He stared at his brother's rising and falling chest...

It was so steady.

It was that moment where Dean let himself go. He was all alone despite his sleeping brother.

A small tear rolled down his cheek and Dean held back a sob.

How the hell was he going to get Sammy on the right path again? He was so screwed up.

And why did he yell '_Please don't kill me!' _?

Dean replayed that scene over and over again in his head. _He looked so terrified..._

But of what?

_Of me?Why?_

This all was a big mystery to Dean. He started to think really hard about it.

_Maybe he was hallucinating. It wouldn't be the first time. But it would be the first time that he's seriously terrified of why?What did he see?I have to know._

But Dean was too afraid to ask Sammy what he had seen in that hallucination.

_There has to be another way. Wait...I hope Bobby still has his dream roots.I have some dream walking to do._

With that he looked down on Sam and got up.

He went out of the room, down the stairs and silently looked through Bobby's secret stash.

When all hope was fading, he opened the last drawer.

_There it is._

Dean took out the dream root and closed the drawer again.

He went into the kitchen and prepared the dream root drink.

Then he went upstairs into Sammy's room and plucked a hair from his head and put it into his drink.

He twisted his face in disgust and then drunk everything at once.

He managed to put the cup aside and immediately fell into a deep sleep.

**/  
><strong>

**He walked around in Bobby's living room and then went on to the kitchen.**

**He watched himself and Bobby for a minute or two, remembering that scene playing out in front of him.**

**Then he remembered that Sammy's hallucination must've happened while they were having breakfast.**

„_**He's going nuts", Bobby had said.**_

„_**What do you mean?"**_

„_**What I mean is that we should get professional help."**_

_**Dean looked at him angrily.**_

„_**Are you kidding me?You know what they'll do to him, right? If they get a hold on him I will never see him again!"**_

_**Dean was starting to yell and Bobby immediately looked down and murmured „I'm sorry."**_

****

**Dean quickly walked upstairs into Sammy's room and went in. He was in Sammy's head so he was able to actually _see_ his hallucination, right?**

**He heard his own voice and watched the scene play out in front of him.**

**He looked in utter horror when he heard his voice say all these mean things to his little brother.**

„_**I should have killed you a very long time ago,Sam. Monsters like you don't deserve to live."**_

**Now he knew why his brother yelled at him...**

**Now he knew why his brother was so terrified of him...**

**A small tear rolled down his cheek and he started to think really hard what he could do to help his little brother...**

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><p><em><strong>A  N: Chapter 4 will come soon. Please review, people. :)**_


	4. Ch4:walls2Say it if it's worth saving me

_Chapter 4: I'm terrified of these four walls**(2)**/Say it if it's worth savin' me_

_**A / N: So I finally went on and I wanna thank you for the reviews and the story alerts.. And of course.. Thank you soooooo sooooo sooooo much dearest Taylor for giving me this awesome idea! You're a darling and I love you!**_

_**Anyways have fun readin'! :)**_

Bobby walked into Sam's room and made a delight discovery.

Both of the boys were asleep cuddled into blankets and snoring lightly.

Bobby smiled at that and looked around the room and discovered a cup...

He went over to the cup and looked into it.

There was still some left over.

It was from the dream root.

Bobby looked to Dean and immediately knew what he had done.

He took the cup downstairs and waited for Dean to wake up.

After some time Dean woke up and looked over to his little brother.

He was still asleep so he went downstairs.

„Hey Bobby."

„You idjit!", Bobby yelled.

Dean startled.

„What?", he asked.

„You heard me!What have you done,Dean?"

What do you mean?"

„Oh don't pretend you don't know what I'm talking about,Dean!You took that dream root and you were in Sam's mind!"

Dean looked at him. He was totally speechless.

„How did you know that?"

„Because you took my favourite cup that I only use for dream root."

„Oh", Dean said and looked to the floor.

_Damn it_, he thought.

„Dean why on earth did you do that?"

„Because Bobby..I wanted to know what he saw..You saw him when we walked into his room. He was terrified of me. He thought I was gonna kill him."

Bobby opened his mouth to say something but was cut off when they heard a thump coming from upstairs. They looked at each other and ran upstairs.

When they walked into the room they saw Sam crawling up into the corner of the wall.

He was talking to himself and starting to hyperventilate.

Dean immediately went to him.

„Sammy?I'm here..Calm down. You have to breathe, okay kiddo? Sammy?"

Sam didn't seem to react.

Dean shook him.

„Come on, Sammy! You have to snap out of it,now! Please brother..I don't wanna lose you."

Sam started to calm down and finally breathe slowly.

Dean was relieved and brought him to his bed.

Sam sat on his bed and thought about all different kinds of things..

After some time Dean walked in and sat down next to him on his bed.

„You okay?", he asked.

Sam nodded and replied, „Yeah..sure.."

„Are you really sure,Sammy?", Dean asked and looked at him with a scrutinizing look.

Sam remained silent for a while but eventually spoke up.

„No..I'm not...I'm scared to Dean..", he said and looked up to him.

„I'm scared to death.."

„It's okay to be scared, brother.."

„No it's not...You know why?Because I've always been scared..and...I feel like..", he sighed and then went on, „Never mind.."

„It's okay,Sammy. You can tell me."

„I feel like a huge disappointment to you.."

Dean immediately got up..He seemed angry...No..He _was_ angry.

„Take that back right now, Samuel Winchester!", he yelled.

„You are NOT a disappointment to me. I love you Sammy. You are _**my life **_and I will never stop loving you...No matter what happens to you or what you've done...You are my brother...I couldn't hate you...I'd rather die."

Sam knew that Dean meant every word he said because he mentioned his full name.

He felt tears trickling from his eyes because Dean had never opened up to him like that...

„Please say it..", he whispered.

„Say what?", Dean asked confused.

„_Say it if it's worth saving me_."

Dean hugged him immediately.

„Of course you are, Sammy... You definitely are worth saving. And I will save you."

Sam was sitting on his bed and eating his dinner that Dean had brought up earlier.

For the first time, since the detox had started, he had no hallucinations, no panic attacks... more importantly he had no nightmares. He could sleep without any worries that some monster would try to kill or torture him.

He was looking around in his room and enjoyed the silence. When he finished his dinner he set the plate onto the nightstand and relaxed on his bed. Dean came into his room and smiled slightly when he saw Sammy laying on his bed and relaxing.

_He ain't gonna do that after I'm done with him,_ Dean thought.

„Hey Sammy."

Sam turned to him and smiled for the first time.

„Hey Dean. Thanks for making me dinner. It was delicious."

„No biggie, 's what I'm here for", he said smiling innocently.

_I'm so looking forward to wiping his smile off of his face... He's gonna be a mess after I'm done with him._

„So..how are you?"

Sam sat up and looked at him.

„I'm fine. For the first time since this crap started...I'm feeling fine."

„You sure?", Dean asked.

Sam nodded.

„Okay,good", Dean said and sat down on Sam's bed and looked at him.

„You know, you scared the holy shit out of me..For a second I thought I'd lose you.."

„I'm sorry, Dean. I didn't mean to scare you."

Dean nodded and said, „It's okay,Sammy...You're already gonna regret it..I'll make sure you will..", Dean said and smiled devlishly.

Sam looked confused.

„What?What are you talking about?"

„Oh you heard me,Sammy."

He started laughing.

Sam quickly got up to bring enough space between them.

There was something about that laugh...it bugged him.. It was so _evil_. That definitely wasn't his brother.

„You're not Dean. Who are you?"

Dean continued laughing.

„Oh, trust me. I am your brother. And your brother is tired of your sorry ass. I'm tired of taking care of you..", he said and went towards him.

„You don't get it. You're being a pain in my ass. I don't want to take care of you anymore. I never wanted it and I never will."

Sam felt tears trickling in his eyes.

_It's working..Finally.._, Dean thought and smiled.

„Why are you saying these things to me,Dean?"

„Because it's the truth,Sam. I'm sick of being your brother. You're pissing me off. I can't stand being around you anymore. Everything you do gets me into trouble. You know what? I think I should start punishing you for that. You hurt me so much in the past few years.. It's time to get some payback."

Sam quickly went into the nearest corner trying to escape though it was hopeless.

„Please,Dean. Don't hurt me..Please.."

Dean slightly closed his eyes and hummed a little bit.

„Hmmm...I love it when you start begging.."

Sam stared at him in utter horror and immediately knew what Dean was about to do.

„Dean..you can't do this to me...I'm your brother...You can't do this..", he begged.

Dean stood in front of him and grabbed him by his shirt.

„Oh yes I can."

With that, Dean threw Sam to the ground and kicked him until Sam started coughing blood.

He went to the door and locked it. Then he turned to Sam.

„Bobby is not at home right now. He's on a hunt. Just taking some precautions."

He knelt beside Sam and tried to take his shirt off. Sam struggled though he had no chance against Dean. Dean hit him hard and ripped his shirt off.

Sam twisted his face in pain as he felt Dean hitting him and more blood dripping from his nose.

Dean immediately started working on Sam's pants and Sam tried to kick him. Unfortunately, Dean had seen that coming and held his legs. He smiled and said, „You're making this so easy, little brother."

Sam, who was still in pain, looked at Dean and was really starting to think that it could really be his brother.

He watched Dean stripping himself quickly and throwing his clothes to the bed. He had to admit one thing though..Dean looked really good. And he enjoyed seeing him all exposed like that, which he found rather disturbing.

Dean started to caress Sam's legs.

Sam closed his eyes and started moaning lightly. Then he started kissing his crotch, which made Sam moan even more. He didn't want this..but at the same time he wanted it, too."

„Dean please...stop..I don't want this... Please just leave me alone..."

Dean didn't say a thing, but started to push Sam's legs apart.

Sam knew what he was about to do and started struggling again.

Dean just smiled and pushed himself into Sam.

Sam's eyes widened as he felt Dean pushing himself into him.

He wanted to scream...but he couldn't..

Why couldn't he scream?

He couldn't even move.

He just lay there and let Dean rape him...

He heard Dean moaning and felt him deep inside him...

What was wrong with him? He didn't even struggle.

He felt so helpless.

It seemed to him that he was watching somebody.

_Where are all these messed up thoughts coming from?_, he thought.

Dean picked up the pace and his movements were more violent and intense than before.

Now Sam was starting to hurt.

He twisted his face in pain and moaned.

He tried not to scream, but eventually he had to because Dean was hurting him very badly.

He let out a piercing shriek.

Dean slapped him and yelled, „Shut up, you son of a bitch!"

Sam felt tears swelling in his eyes.

Dean moved as fast as he could and started to choke him, because he wanted Sam so badly to struggle.

Sam grabbed his wrists and tried with all of his strength to push him away, but he didn't make it.

He was dead sure that Dean hurt him so bad that he was bleeding inside.

Sam started ro cry because of the pain Dean was inflicting upon him.

Dean just kept moving and bit into Sam's shoulder, which made him scream again.

Then, Dean finally came inside of him, which made Sam shudder in disgust.

Dean pushed himself out of him and cleaned himself off.

He silently put his clothes back on and went out of the room.

Sam just lay there, uncovered, and cried himself to sleep...

_**A / N: Wow this turned out really long..Cool...Anyways..Review please :) Thanks for reading :)**_


	5. Ch 5: I'll show you what I can be

_Chapter 5: I'll show you what I can be_

_**A / N:**_**After a long time I finally found the time to continue chapter 5. And here it is. Have fun..I would be really grateful if you left me a review :)**

As Dean walked into Sam's room he couldn't believe what he'd seen.

On the floor was a large blood pool and next to it was Sammy.

He stared in utter horror at the sight in front of him.

After some seconds, which felt more like several hours, he said with a rather rough voice.

Sam, whose face was too messed up, looked at him and muttered at first incoherent things.

„Please... No more... Please stop.."

Dean felt tears swelling up in his eyes and found it too difficult to talk.

He knelt down beside him and lightly touched his face.

He saw a tear rolling down his Sammy's cheek.

„Please... I'm begging you, Dean. Don't kill me. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry for everything. I'll never hurt you again... I'll never get you into trouble again.. I pomise. Please just... don't kill me."

Now he had to say something. Why was he saying these things to him? More importantly..

why was he laying naked in a blood pool?

„Sammy? Whatever you saw.. It wasn't me, Samuel."

Sam looked up at him, confused.

„You have to tell me what happened to you. Please, Sammy. I want to help you."

More tears ran down Sam's face and he turned away from him and didn't say anything.

After a while Dean got up.

„Okay.. You don't wanna talk... Fine with me. I will at least clean you off and patch you up."

With that said, he helped Sam up and led him to the bathroom.

Sam sat down on the edge of the bathtub and Dean grabbed a wet cloth.

It was as uncomfortable for him as it was for Sam because he was naked but Dean had to do it.

So he started to clean Sam's face, washed all the blood in his face off and then took a look at his upper body.

There was nothing.. except for one thing... a bite mark... 'What the hell?', Dean thought.

„Sammy, are there any other wounds?"

Sam looked to the floor and said nothing.

'Either he doesn't wanna tell you or there really are no other wounds...hmmm...', Dean thought to himself and looked at him suspiciously.

He put the cloth aside and sighed.

„Okay. Obviously you don't have other wounds, so let's go back to the room and get dressed,okay?"

He put an arm around Sam's shoulder and guided him back into the room.

He went to get Sam's clothes and helped him put them back on.

Sam was now sitting on his bed with Dean next to him.

Dean couldn't take take it any longer.

„Sammy, you have to talk to me. Please. I'm begging you... Please,talk to me."

Dean was dying to know what had happened to him. Sam got up and turned his face to him. He spoke up for the first time.

„You really wanna know what happened to me?"

Dean just nodded.

All of a sudden, Sam flipped out.

He grabbed Dean harshly by his shirt and threw him into the wall.

Dean looked at him, shocked.

Sam was angry, very angry.

Then Dean recognized something else in Sam's face … Fear...

Sam's face was redened and his breathing became faster...

He had tears in his eyes.

He started yelling.

„You son of a bitch! Stop it! Stop pretending you don't know what you did!"

„What? What did I do, Sammy?"

Dean was totally confused... and shocked that his brother could be so angry yet so terrified.

„You fucking raped me, you sick and disgusting fucking bastard!"

Now everything made sense.

He felt tears swelling in his eyes and asked himself why he didn't see that earlier.

„Oh my god", was all he could get out of a suddenly sore throat.

„That's all you gotta say? ' Oh my god?'", Sam said and let go off him.

„Sammy... That wasn't me... You can ask Bobby. I was with him the whole time."

„No, you weren't!", he yelled again.

„You told me that Bobby was hunting. You were with me! You.. You... You raped me!"

„Sammy... I'm really sorry, but I was with Bobby."

Sam seemed to be totally destroyed from the inside and just fell to his knees and started sobbing.

Dean immediately went to his side and hugged him.

„It was a hallucination, Sammy... I'm so, so sorry, my baby brother. I shouldn't have left you alone with this... I should've been there to help you through this..."

Sam just kept sobbing, unable to bring out any words.

Dean continued hugging him until Sam felt like he could pull himself together again.

After a few minutes he became quiet... his breathing was steady.

Dean was still holding him in his arms and looked down and had to smile at that cute sight.

Sam had fallen asleep.

'Poor Sammy...', Dean thought.

'What the fuck is happening to him?'

With that thought Dean carried his sweet and innocent looking brother to his bed and covered him.

He took his hand and caressed it.

He watched his face... He looked so young... so _**innocent**_...

'Why would anybody want to harm this kid?'

'Wait... Did you really think **kid**? He's an overgrown man... hmmm...

but still my little brother...'

Dean lay with his head asleep on Sam's chest, still holding his hand.

Bobby came in and had to smile at that sight.

They looked so cute. Like two little children.

He noticed that they weren't covered, so he went to the closet and grabbed some blankets and covered both of them.

Dean held on to Sam as if his life depended on holding on to him.

That let Bobby's old rusty and gruff heart melt immediately.

Bobby's smile wiped off of his face as he saw a big black line flash through Sam's arm.

He shook his head in confusion and watched very closely.

Another line flashed through his arm.

„What the hell...?", he murmured.

He was freaked out and went to Dean's side.

He shook him almost violently and Dean startled up.

„What...Bobby? What is it?"

He looked up at him with groggy eyes.

Bobby just gestured at Sam.

Dean looked over to Sam and was confused at first.

Then he saw what Bobby had meant.

He saw a big black line flash through his arm.

He gulped heavily.

_'What the hell?'_, he thought.

_'I thought it was already out of his system!'_

This couldn't be happening...Not now...Not to him... Not to **his** Sammy.

He slowly got up and looked shocked.

„What the fuck..?"

Dean felt an all too familiar feeling rising up... **Fear**.

Suddenly, more black lines in less time ran up Sam's arms.

It looked freaky.

„Sammy?", Dean said with a shaky voice.

Sam just murmured and moved onto his left side.

He snuggled into his pillow like nothing had happened.

With that, his shirt slid up a bit.

Dean noticed a black spot on his side and pulled his shirt further up.

He stared in utter horror as he took in the sight of his black vein- filled back.

He looked to Bobby.

Bobby was speechless.

They had never seen something like this before... Well... how often do you stumble across a demon blood addict?

Slowly Sam started to wake up.

He moaned... „Ow...My back hurts...", he complained.

Dean immediately pulled his shirt down.

Sam felt a stabbing pain in his arms and moaned even more in pain.

„Dean...I'm hurting.. Please help me... I can't move.."

Dean felt so sorry for him.

He didn't know what to do.

He felt a tear rolling down his cheek.

Suddenly, Sam stopped moaning, but more and more veins ran across his back to his arms and then to his face.

He opened his eyes... and they were **black**.

Dean startled.

„Sammy?", he said.

Sam sat up and smiled.

„Sorry,Dean. Sammy can't come out to play right now. Try again later", he said and laughed lightly.

„What are you?", Dean asked angrily.

Sam smiled. „You know what."

Dean sighed. „Why are you possessing my brother? Haven't you destroyed him enough already?", he yelled.

„Well.. for one... no. But, you see, Dean.. It's not really about Sam,.. well it is of course. But this one is for you, Dean."

„What do you mean?"

„What I mean is..", he started to explain, „me personally, I love to see you suffer. You know you can't save your brother, but you try nonetheless. And I just love to see your face every time something worse than before happens to Sam."

„You son of a bitch..", he said.

„Let him go!"

For a moment, Sam looked at him as if he'd consider it.

„No. Otherwise you'd hunt me down and kill me. This way is much better for me. I can keep this sweet piece of ass.. plus... I get to annoy you.. And seeing that terrified look in your face.. This is priceless!"

Dean felt tears trickling from his eyes.

Sam laughed. „You're getting way too emotional about this, Dean... I think I'm gonna leave for a while. Bye."

With that Sam's body slumped to the floor and Dean quickly went to him.

„Sammy?"

He hugged him tightly.

„Please, Sammy... Wake up..Please...", he begged endlessly.

He started to cry and hoped for his brother to wake up...

_**A / N:**_** Okay that was chapter 5. :) Chapter 6 is already done. Right now I'm working on chapter 7 as much as I can but because of school I only have a limited time for my stories. Chapter 6 will be uploaded tomorrow. Thanks for reading :)**


	6. Ch 6: I'll leave this life behind me

_Chapter 6: I'll leave this life behind me_

_**A / N: **_**I'm already running out of headlines here ;D so don't start wondering why there are no lines from the actual song.. have fun reading please review ;)**

After a while of endless hoping and praying Sam finally woke up.

He moaned loudly in pain. Dean was relieved.

„Sammy? Hey... Sammy.. I got you... I'm here, brother."

„Dean...? What happened?", he murmured.

He tried to move, but noticed he couldn't.

Now he started to panic.

„Dean.. I can't move... Why can't I move?"

Dean swallowed.

„You were possessed, Sammy. The demon must've paralyzed you. I'm so sorry, Sammy."

Dean closed his eyes and only heard Sam breaking out into sobs.

He murmured.

„Why is this happening to me? Why can't you all just leave me alone? Just... fuck the hell off!", he started to yell.

His breathing got more hysteric.

Now he started to beg.

„Please.. I'm begging you... Please.. leave me alone... I can't take this anymore.. You won.. Okay? You hear me? You won! Now, please.. Leave me alone!"

Dean had never in life felt so sorry for a human being... especially his brother..

But Dean noticed what Sam was doing. He was giving up.

He was giving up on himself.

He was starting to lose faith in himself.. because he messed up so many times. But Dean hadn't given up...He hadn't lost his faith...not yet.

„Sammy..You can't do this.. You can't give up,brother. You have to fight,...okay?You hear me? You have to can't give up!You can't let them win! Don't you wanna live?"

Sam's head lightly lolled to the side and he moaned.

„No..I don't, Dean... Not like this...", he murmured.

„What?No..No...No, you can't say that, Sam! Don't you dare saying that to me again!-", he wanted to go on but he stopped when he saw Sam's eyes roll.

He was losing his consciousness.

His head fell back. Dean supported his head with one hand.

„Sammy? Come on, Sammy. You have to wake up. Please, brother...Wake up!"

Sam showed no sign of reaction.

„Sammy? Sammy, please!"

Dean broke out into heave sobs...

Dean was sitting with Bobby in front of Sam's bedroom door. Bobby sighed and asked, „What are we gonna do now, Dean?"

Dean slightly shook his head. „I have no idea, Bobby. I think we'll just try to keep him alive until we figure something out."

Bobby just nodded.

Suddenly they heard a thumping noise...

OoooO

Sam was sitting on his bed playing with a knife...

_You can do this..You can end this now. Then you'll be in peace again...You just have to do this. Then everything will be over. Then...Dean won't have to suffer anymore... because you'll be gone. He deserves peace and a normal life. With you gone he'll be able to have that._

He placed the blade on his left wrist and pressed it deep into his skin. He watched the blood flood out and did the same to his right wrist.

Then he placed the knife against his chest and breathed in.

Then he drove the knife deep into his chest, pulled it out after a few seconds and fell to the floor...

Dean and Bobby came storming into Sam's room and were shocked.

Sam lay there on the floor in a massive blood pool, coughing blood and writhing in pain.

„Sammy? Oh my god.. Sammy, what have you done?"

Dean pulled Sam onto his lap and held him.

He took off his shirt and pressed it against his wound.

Bobby ran downstairs to get the first-aid kit.

„Sammy... Don't you do this to me.. Why did you do this,Sammy?"

„Because...", he coughed.

„Because... I want to.. I want to die."

„What? No...No, you can't die!"

„I can't, Dean... I can't stand this anymore...Please..You have to let me go..."

„No. I will not let you die! You hear me? I won't let you!", Dean yelled.

Sam's head lolled backwards and Dean, once again, supported it with his hand.

„Sammy? Come on... Wake up.. Sam... Don't you dare dying on me, Samuel Winchester!"

Dean noticed that Sam was already too far gone.

„Sammy?", he whispered at first.

Then he yelled, „SAM!"


	7. Ch 7: Like his brother

_Chapter 7:"Like his brother"_

_**A / N:**_**I'm totally running out of headlines here ;D Okay..soo enjoy it and please R&R! Thank you**

Sam woke up laying on a barr.

He looked around totally confused until he discovered Dean sitting next to him and holding his hand.

He saw Dean's mouth moving but didn't hear what he was saying.

Suddenly he felt a sting on his arm which made him flinch and twist his face in pain.

„Sa..."

„Sam..."

After closing and opening his eyes for a few times he concentrated on Dean's voice.

„Sammy?Everything's gonna be okay. I promise, brother. Do you understand me? Please, nod if you understand me", he begged desperately.

Sam slowly nodded.

Then his arm started to twitch.

He looked to his arm and slightly moaned as the twitching went over to his entire body.

Dean started to panic.

All that Sam could hear was the paramedic talking.

„He's seizing...-"

Then blacked out.

OooooooO

It took them a lot of time to restrain him once he had been in his room.

Dean had been watching them worried.

A small tear rolled its way down his cheek.

_'Why does he have to suffer like this?', _he thought while he watched the sleeping form of his brother. He was tied to his bed, hooked on IVs and heart monitors... He was a prisoner in his own body. Dean knew how Sam was disgusted by himself, so disgusted and sick he tried to kill himself, yet couldn't escape his own prison, his own _hell_.

'_He'd be really mad if I'd make another deal.'_

Dean sat down on a chair next to his brother and watched hin.

He looked like a little kid with that innocent look on his face, those brown puppy dog eyes and that chocolate brown hair.

But despite that... Sam had changed.

Dean didn't really know how..

But then it dawned on him.

Sam never used to be so _pale._

He had aways had a light sun tan on his skin...but now...

_'It's gone'_, Dean thought. '_He looks like a corpse.. He..he lost the will to live..He used to smile so much...and now? Now he thinks he doesn't deserve to live..that he's an abomination.. a disappointemt... a **mistake**... a **freak of nature**.'_

Dean grabbed his hand and caressed it.

He whispered.

„Wake up,Sammy. You gotta wake up,man. I need you here.. I can't live without you... I love you, Sammy."

With that said Dean thought he would wake up just like in any other story...

But Sam didn't wake up.

He was struggling.. in his own prison..his own hell...

He was fighting for his life..fighting for a second chance...

to be with Dean again...to hear his stupid senseless jokes... to hear his laugh.. his yelling...to feel him touching his arm or to feel his hug whenever they made up again...

hell to even feel him beating him up.. or calling him stupid names.

But he didn't wake up.

All Dean had in front of him was a coma patient that looked like his brother...


	8. Ch 8:1: I saw what I saw

Chapter 8: „I saw what I saw" part 1

* * *

><p>Dean had fallen asleep with Sam's hand in his grip. His head had been laying on Sam's lap.<p>

/

_I've been laying here...I don't really know for how long.. I looked around and realized that I was stuck..I was stuck in a prison.. 'my own prison'.. 'my own hell'.._

_I felt a radiating heat around me... What is this? It is so freakin' hot! Where the hell am I? Oh... Wait...Holy hell...I'm in hell! _

_Suddenly I felt something crawling on my back... Oh damn it.. Now my back is itching.. Great..Wait..What is this? It doesn't stop crawling.. I looked over to my shoulder and noticed a black tail. Holy shit.. A scorpion's tale! I felt more feet crawling on my back..more scorpions.. I wasn't prepared for what happened next.. Every inch of my body started to sting and hurt... I couldn't sit anymore because of the pain.. and I couldn't breathe..More scorpions appeared.. Oh god.. Please make it stop! I started to scream..._

/

After some time Dean woke up and looked at his brother.

'_He looks so peaceful..as if he's asleep.'_

He didn't know what his brother was going through.

He caressed Sam's cheek and murmured.

„Oh brother... Why does this shit keep happening to you? I guess it's true what they say.. Bad things happen to good people.. But why does it have to be you?"

He watched his brother's chest rise and fall.

/

_Everything hurts.. The scorpions vanished.. but the pain didn't.. of course not.. I tried to sit up but it's too difficult.. I kept laying on the floor._

_This is just a really bad dream, Sam.. You're just dreaming.. You shouldn't read anything into this.. But is that normal when you don't wake up when something really awful happened to you in a dream? Because that has always happened to me.._

_Why isn't it happening now? I don't get it.. That's weird..Come on, Sam. You have to wake up._

_Come on.. Just wake up. Just close your eyes for a sec and then open them again. Come on, open your eyes.. Thank God it worked. _

_Wait...What's this? A hospital room? What the hell?_

_Wait.. Dean? _

_'Dean..What's going on?'_

_Why isn't he answering me?_

_'Dean answer me! Dean who is that on the bed?'_

_I walked over to the bed._

_Oh shit... What the hell happened? Why am I here?_

/

Dean looked around. He felt something..** someone**..

Somebody touched his shoulder.. but nobody was there with him..

'_Sam?_', he thought.

„Sam is that you?"

Tears shot into his eyes..

/

_What a relieve.. He felt it... Thank God... He fucking felt it.. _

_'Dean, please tell me.. What happened? Why am I here? What's going on?'_

/

„Sammy... I'm so sorry..."

For some reason he knew that his brother was there with him and wanted to know what had happened.

„Sammy.. You wanted to kill yourself.. You didn't want to suffer anymore...You're in a coma, Sammy. I'm so sorry I didn't help you.. I don't know what to do, brother... Please, come back.. I need you.. You're the one thing that keeps me going.. Please Sammy.. I'm begging you.. Please fight, Sammy."

/

_Oh god.. I have to fight this.. For Dean.. He needs me.. I can't leave him.. Not now.. I- What.._

_Where am I? Where's the hospital room?_

_I can't move... What the hell? Why can't I move?_

„_Dean? What's happening here?"_

„_Don't worry.. I will take care of you."_

_Why is he smiling that way?...Oh no..._

/

Dean kept looking at his brother's face for hours without even moving.

„What the hell?", he suddenly murmured.

He discovered some cuts and bruises on his face..

„Where did those come from? They're pretty new.. What the hell...?"

He saw blood running out of his nose and his mouth.

'_The machines are not beeping.. Am I hallucinating, too?_'

Then the machines started beeping.

'_Speaking of which.._'

/

_It had reached to the very point where I started begging him to stop.. But of course he didn't.._

_He used it as motivation to break me.. He kept hitting me.. I was starting to wonder if he'd ever get tired.. Of course he wouldn't... This is a damn coma.. my own imagination.._

_Starring Dean as the bad guy and me as the victim._

_What is wrong with me?_

_Why am I so sick?_

_What the fuck is wrong with me?_

* * *

><p><em>Part 2 will follow soon! :) Please review<br>_


	9. Ch 8:2: Superfreak

_**Hello boys and girls! I changed my Pen Name to Taylor Novak. Just FYI. Anyways.. have fun reading.. and please R&R! ;)**_

* * *

><p>Chapter 8: „Superfreak" part 2<p>

/

_Oh god...What the hell is he doing now?_

_He stopped...That can only mean something really bad.. What is that? Did he just.. growl?_

_Oh no.. shit... Come on Sam.. You have to get up.. Isn't that enough for him? Does he really need hellhounds to break me? I felt a piercing pain in my arm.. Something bit me... All of a sudden, I couldn't breathe. Where is that pain coming from? I looked down to my chest.. Oh god.. It was all scratched and bleeding extremely.. I screamed.. I think he liked it.. Because that could be the only reason why he told his hellhounds to stop.. Maybe he wanted to cause me some pain himself._

_Why is there an itching pain on my hand? I looked to my right hand..What the.._

_What the fuck is he doing with that nail?  
>'Oh god.. Please... Stop..'. I started to scream.. He is hammering that nail into my hand.. What a sick fuck.. How could he do something like that to me? Oh my god.. He's not stopping.. Please stop it.. I.. I can't do this any longer.. All I can hear is his devlish laugh.. me screaming...<em>

_You have to wake up Sam... Come on... Wake up..._

_Wake the hell up!_

_/_

Dean was staring devastated at his brother's bleeding form. The doctors were shocked and unable to do something... All of a sudden everything went back to normal.. The machines weren't beeping.. They weren't doing anything.. They were dead..

„Sammy?", Dean said with tears in his eyes.  
>'He looks dead... Oh my god.. He's dead.'<p>

Suddenly Sam started to choke.. He tried to pull the tube out of his throat.

He struggled to breathe. Dean immediately went to his side and pulled the tube out. Sam took a deep shaky breath and moaned heavily in pain.

„Sammy? Oh my god.. You're alive.." He stroked Sam's hair. Sam tried to talk but Dean kept him from doing that.

„Don't talk yet.. You just woke up.."

Sam just nodded and a couple of seconds later, he broke into tears.

„Oh, Sam...", Dean murmured and hugged him.

„Whatever you saw, Sammy.. It's over.. You made it.. You're out."

Sam clung to Dean's shirt. He talked even though his voice was still sore.

„I'm sorry I begged you to stop, Dean... I love you.. I'm sorry... I'm so sorry.. Please forgive me.."

„It's okay, Sammy. You don't have to apologize.. It's not your fault.. You're safe now.. I'll take care of you brother... I promise."

Sam was safe and sound laying asleep in his bed. Dean watched him sleep for a while and then he took his phone out. He dialed Bobby's number and was relieved when he heard the old man's gruff voice.

„Hello?"

„Hey, Bobby. It's Dean."

„Hey, son. What's going on?"

„He woke up.. Sammy woke up."

„Really? When?"

„About an hour ago. Can you please come?"

„Yes, of course. I'm on my way."

Bobby was about to hang up when Dean talked again.

„Bobby wait."

„What is it?"

„You should've seen his body.. It was full of cuts and bruises.. and.. he was bleeding everywhere.. and...-"

„And what Dean?"

Dean was fighting not to get all emotional but he couldn't.

„He said he's sorry he begged me to stop.."

„..."  
>„Bobby you still there?"<p>

„Yeah.. I'm still here.. But.. What does he mean with that?"

„I have no idea.. But it must mean something really bad because.. he was crying, Bobby..."

Now Dean started to sob, too.

„Please hurry Bobby. I'm barely holding it together, man."

„Okay. I'm on my way, son."

Dean hung up and looked over to his brother.

He was still asleep.

Dean went to his side and sat down.

He grabbed his hand acarressed it..

_'Thank you, God.. For bringing him back to me...'_

All of a sudden Sam's eyes fluttered open.

He looked slightly confused at Dean.

„Dean..? What happened?"

„You're in a hospital.. You were in a coma but you'll be fine. I promise. I'll take care of you."

Sam nodded and tried to sit up.

Dean kept him from doing that.

„Sammy don't. You're too weak. You should lay down and concentrate on getting better.."

Sam nodded again.

„By the way.. Bobby's on his way here."

Sam nodded one more time.

Dean looked at him a little bit confused.

„Hey. What's going on? Why are you not talking to me?"

Sam just shrugged his shoulders.

„Guess you're not in the mood. I understand that."

Sam just nodded and looked down to his blanket.

Dean watched him worried.

„Sammy?"

Sam just kept staring at his blanket trying to ignore him.

'Oh god.. Not again.. This can't be happening again. Not now..'

Dean kept watching him and his worry grew as he saw Sam's eyes widen.

„Sammy? What's going on? Are you okay? You wanna talk about it?"

Sam looked up at him, totally shocked.

„What is it?"

Sam felt paralyzed.

He started to shake his head.

'No.. No.. Leave me alone..'  
>„Sammy.. Please... tell me."<p>

Dean wasn't so sure if he wanted to know what was going on with his brother.

But he really wanted to help him.

Sam swallowed.

„I... You... You... tortured... me..."

„What? I did _what_?"

Sam remained silent.

„Are you serious? I.. _**tortured**_ you?"

Sam just nodded.

„Oh god."

_I tortured him.. I tortured my little brother..'_, he thought._  
><em>You know I would never do that to you... right, Sammy?"

Sam hesitated for a couple of seconds.

„Sammy?"

_'Oh my god.. He really thinks that I could.. Oh god...'_

„Sammy.. You have to tell me what happened to you.. I have to know it.."

Sam just shook his head and avoided his gaze.

„Sammy, please. I need to know what happened to you.."

Sam continued the silence.

Then Dean growled when he didn't get an answer.

Suddenly Sam looked shocked and shook his head, almost panicking.

„Sammy? What's wrong? Did I do something?"

„Sammy.. You have to talk to me.."

„Please.. stop.. just stop talking..."

Dean looked at him, now aware that he's hurting his brother with what he does.

Sam started sobbing.

Dean went to his bed and hugged him.

Sam let him and leaned his head on Dean's chest.

„Shh.. It's okay, Sammy."

He stroke his hair.

„Sammy, please tell me... Are you afraid of me?"

Sam nodded.

Dean swallowed heavily.

„Why? What did I do to you?"

„I told you.. You.. You tortured me..."

„I know.. but.. specifically.. What did I do to you?"

„You.. tore me apart with.. hellhounds.. and then... you hit me.. over and over again... You wouldn't stop... You liked hurting me.."

Dean took a deep breath.

„Did I.. Did I kill you?"

„No... You just wanted to break me.."

„Oh god, no..", Dean murmured.

„Did it work?"

Sam remained silent.

Dean knew what that meant. He sighed.

„It worked.. didn't it?"

Then Sam just nodded.

„Oh god, Sammy. I'm so sorry."

„Sammy.. What did you mean when you said 'I'm sorry I begged you to stop'?"

„Isn't that obvious?"

Dean took a minute and thought about it.

„Oh god.."

„The worst part is.. You kept going.. And you were.. meaner.."

„I'm sorry, Sammy.."

„You liked it.."

„I know.. You already said it.."

„No.. I mean.. You _**liked**_ it.."

Dean looked down to him with a questioning look on his face.

Then it dawned on him.

Sam looked up to him.

„Wait.. You mean.. No.. You really mean that.. it.. hurting you.. it.. it turned me on?"

Sam nodded.

Dean's eyes widened.

Suddenly Sam stared to the next corner.

„What is it, Sammy?"

„Go away.. I don't wanna see you..", he yelled into the corner.

„Oh come on, Sammy. Tell him how much fun we've been having lately..", he grinned.

„No.. Leave me alone.."

Dean could tell that Sam was clearly scared.

„Sammy, what's going on?"

„He won't leave me alone.."

„Come on, Sammy. You gotta admit it was really good."

„No it wasn't. It was not good!", he yelled again.

He walked over to Sam and whispered into his ear.

Dean watched him.

„Say it. It was good. You wanted me for a really long time.. ever since you dreamed about it.. Remember? You liked it.. No.. You _**loved**_ it.. You wanted me for such a long time.. And now you finally got me."

„Okay, okay.. It was good.."

„What was good, Sammy?"

„Come on.. Say it again. Be convincing. You know you can be really convincing ."

„I wanted you.. and I still do.. Now please., Leave me alone.."

'Oh god.. Did he really say that? Did I really do that to my brother?'


End file.
